My daughter, Charlotte, sent me this text yesterday. It was one of many that she took from her cell phone and it features 8-month-old Reece, who is the son of one her besties, who is also her Veterinarian. (No, Char doesn't require a vet's services because she's human! She's also a vet surgical tech for many of the vets in Jacksonville!) So what makes this picture so special? Why does the title allude to "A Little Child Shall Lead?" And when did Char become my hero? To answer those questions, you need to go back to March when Char and Michelle found out they were pregnant within days of each other. Michelle has been married for many years and was over the moon at the prospect of #1. Char was 24, had her own apartment, her own career, her own insurance, and was near the end of a relationship with someone she had known since middle school. If you have heard about oil-and-vinegar then you get the idea. Still, they celebrated the life they had created! My daughter's pregnancy was a miracle. Her ovaries have been a major problem since Day One and she had her first cyst surgery when she was in her teens! A little more than a month later at a normal doctor visit, there was no heart beat, followed by the pain of "delivering" a few days later. She had been playing around with the name Archer. We would have loved him! We do love him! All of us still carry his sonogram picture. Charlotte went to Michelle's baby shower and came home very sad. In September, little Reece was born. What did my girl do? Well, she could have held on to her pain, her deep sadness, her grief, and mourned forever. But she chose LIFE! She has become "Aunty Charlotte" and has custody (ha ha) every Monday. (It's a babysitting gig, but honestly, I think she would pay Michelle for the privilege!) There's a lesson to be learned here. Wallowing in self-pity hurts the wallower the most. It takes an immense amount of bravery and courage and "adultness" to leave a comfort zone of justified hurt and honestly CELEBRATE another person's joy. (P.S...last month, my very young niece had a little boy. Guess who bought her the pregnancy test? Guess who had previously gotten her a job at her veterinarian's clinic? Guess who was her primary confidant from week to week? Guess who dragged her mother to the delivery room waiting room? Guess who handed her mom a tissue on the way home because you know, I would have LOVED to have met Archer!)
I just feel your heart for your daughter. I'm certain she has inherited and learned all her grace from her wonderful mom! Wallowing certainly is a lot easier, but you are right, it hurts more in the long run.
ReplyDeleteAmazing story, thank you so much for sharing, especially when the story is still pretty fresh and so personal. My best friend KaSandra also takes custody of my daughter often. She is "aunt" KaSandra for all Ayva knows and loves Ayva almost as much as I do! She has been married for 10 years, and really wants to have children, but between her husband not wanting any, and her having cysts on her ovaries since high school, she is unsure if that will ever happen, so she is very grateful to have Ayva in her life, and we are VERY happy to have "aunt" KaSandra!!
ReplyDeleteCharlotte is YOU, through and through, Cindy...Seeing life as limitless potential for happiness....What a painful emotional experience you BOTH went through....One of my best girlfriends has tried for 10 years to become pregnant...She has done the whole protocol of shots etc.and a few rounds of invitro ($10,000 each time)...She actually has been pregnant a few times but the pregnancies never held....Her husband is from a family of 7 siblings, so there are MANY children in the family....Each time a sister or sister-in-law announces their pregnancy, my friend is honestly happy for their happiness....It doesn't mean that she doesn't want those things for herself, she can just put it aside and be selfless...She is amazing-JUST like Charlotte.
ReplyDeleteLadies...ok I admit, there were more than a few tears as I was writing this blog. It wasn't a planned blog but after staring at that beautiful photo all of yesterday, I just had to put pen to paper (well keyboard to cyber space.) Tricia - Char would laugh at the thought of me having grace, but I truly "heart" this kid, and her brother too. Wallowing is A LOT easier but it keeps you in a dark place and we are not called to stay there! Lynds - I'm happy that you are sharing your most special treasure with your BF. I can't stress how important "non-blood" child-adult relationships are! and Adrienne - yeah, parts of Char are a mini-me, but sometimes we can both play the glass half-empty card..Then we shuffle the deck!!! LOL...WHEN DID THESE BLOGS BECAME A SUPPORT GROUP!! I LOVE YOU GUYS AND THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST "ASSIGNMENT" EVER!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYour respect and reverence for your daughter is a beautiful thing. She sounds like a strong woman who's approach at life is very admirable. Who knows why God chose that fate for baby Archer? People who can confront life's injustices by embracing other people's happiness are one step ahead of the game. Being able to persevere by partaking in joyful events isn't easy, and I think Charlotte is a class act :) Must be a reflection of her mother; in order for us to be awesome women we had to have had some awesome maternal influences. I bet you're her hero too.
ReplyDeleteJenn, there were many bumps in the road when my two were growing up. It wasn't always easy but we were always together! I think she got the best parts of me and the her father and she really is a class act. I tried to model the best things, forcing them to attend every musical during their whole life, going on mission trips with them in their adolescence, and genuinely caring for people....funny story...yesterday my son finally bought his first brand new car, a 2010 RED Toyota Corolla...He is thrilled! I was being a silly mom and taking all kinds of crazy pictures to celebrate this milestone. He is handing over the title to his old car, a 96 Corolla (which was my old car) to his sister. She starts holding up the key and hugging the hood. "Take a picture of me too!" That's a snapshot of my family...and I have bucketloads of reverence for both of them! Thanks for the kind words!
ReplyDeleteLike the Three Muscateers!....How cathartic has writing been for us all?!....I love this "support group".
ReplyDeletesometimes, sometimes my 2 and I have been more like the 3 "Musket-tears!" ha ha ha...really angry "musket-ball" moments and then tears (and a few tears, like my hair coming out...) but it's all good!
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