Feeling Violated (but you have to wait for it)

Hey Ladies!!! Life has been really busy the past week and I'm reminded how life changes in an instant, even when you knew it was coming! Here's my family at the Jacksonville Jaguars game on October 3rd. Char brought 3 friends and Tim brought 2 and actually 3 of my colleagues from my new school were also there! It was a promotion for my "new" job, Florida State College. $40 bought you a ticket, FREE parking and a shuttle, a T-shirt, and a really, really good tailgate party! (The best part is that they are doing it again on November 21st with everybody minus Char!) So what about Char? Well, I spent a part of this weekend in Ft. Lauderdale which was her last port before heading North! It seemed fitting that I should be there (and don't forget who also lives in South Florida...so a little icing on the cake!) I only sniffled for a minute when Char texted me this... "working with Reece makes me understand what a good mom you have been." She had a great surprise waiting for her in Seattle...Her uncle and his family were there to greet her! This is my brother, John, who she never met! We were raised at opposite ends of the states with our moms and without our father...Well, we managed to find each other and have maintained a really great phone/text/and now FB friendship for years. And yes, I have seen him face-to-face. (He's now friends with my son on FB, so I think there's still time for all of us to be a "real" family, whatever that means!) They even drove her around downtown to the important landmarks, like the Starbucks HQ! Ha Ha! Yesterday she went on a hike and texted me some of the most beautiful scenery...(one day when I really figure out how to manipulate this thing LIKE LYNDSEY, maybe i'll share!) Well, that's all for now. I will be in Cuba from October 22nd through the 31st, but I promise to post before then. I'm still building my stamina from working 2 nights at the college. It's VERY REWARDING because those kids and adults are there for an education! Still, to carve out two extra "not home until 8:30ish" every week is a little taxing, you know! On a personal note, on Sunday, I was in the St. Augustine outlet mall and I bought this big great duffel bag suitcase on wheels at the BASS store. It was marked down to $50. It was for Cuba and I was going to leave it there with a friend who will be making a trip soon. WOULD YOU BELIEVE I CAME HOME AND I HAD BEEN ROBBED? It must have been stupid kids. They took my suitcase, an X-box, and a very old laptop. What is the world coming to? I guess I now have an excuse to go back to the BASS outlet and buy another one, but that $50 really could have bought some great items for my people on that island.....I just have to hope that you really reap what you sow and those people stealing from God will get theirs!

Black Monday (subtitle: He really is a perfect baby!)

So today, I watched Reece. Remember him? My almost grandbaby? The child that Charlotte embraced as her own? Well, he turned one yesterday and he's getting a great birthday present. Monday, he heads to Seattle with his Veterinarian Mommy and MY CHARLOTTE to join his Pharmacist Daddy. Today, his mommy had to work her final shift while his Auntie Char spent time with the male Grubbs in her life, brother, dad, and grandpa. So, I got the kid. AND HE REALLY IS THE PERFECT BABY! His sweet mommy dressed him in a little Grandma's Gator shirt! We headed to St. Augustine which is my perfect place. If you have never been, well let me just say that I count myself very lucky that I can go there whenever the mood strikes. And it strikes oftener and oftener...(I really am an English graduate!) So, we went to an eerie graveyard with headstones from the 1800's, we ate at my favorite place, Columbia House, we walked around the perimeter of a very old fort, we spent some time with Jesus and Catholic monuments at the exact spot that our country was founded, and we laughed in the rain. Reece came face to face with a cannon, got to be held by a very anachronistic looking reenactor, crawled dangerously close to the river, had at least 70 pictures taken, and stole my french fries without asking. Somehow, it just seemed perfectly appropriate for me to be with him as he prepares to steal my child away ON MONDAY because she just loves him so much and wants to help the family get settled. (Or as she puts it, she's dated all the arses in Jacksonville, so it's time to give the West Coast a try!) I think little Reece really gets me! Maybe his little spirit just knew on his 1st birthday, I needed to be with a little man until I can see "our" little Archer who is hanging out in heaven and waiting for us.......Until that time, I am happy because I get to watch some live Jaguars football tomorrow with Tim, Char, and 5 of their closest friends...It's the Koolaid house all over again,...just at the EverBank Stadium downtown!

Fly Away Home (for Joe)

news4jax.com reported it very early this morning. The body of a black male was found discarded in a creek behind subsidized housing. The body had been there for at least a day. The creek was on the "upscale" Southside part of town which is about as far from the Northside and the hood and the Ribault Trojan nation as you can get. Grief counselors were called in to the school. The RIP was posted on Facebook. Homicide detectives are investigating.

This wasn't your typical Monday morning! This weekend I worked at a Jesus thing, a church renewal weekend called Faith Alive in West Palm Beach. It was wonderful and it was over Saturday night at 9:30. Of course, it was 5 hours NORTH to go home or it was 1 hour SOUTH to hear "Welcome home!" from Mr. Man. Did I even have a choice? While we baked in the sun all day Sunday, I couldn't help but be mesmerized and completely captured by the antics of a band of seagulls as they disrupted our view of the horizon. Actually, they WERE the view and they have probably been to the horizon and back a few times. Or as Buzz promised, "To Infinity and Beyond!" I snapped this picture with my phone to remind me to spend time being carefree and to embrace nature 24/7. I also remembered Bach's fable, Jonathan Livingston Seagull. I thought about it a lot actually. Well, Jonathan's spirit, at least for today, is embodied in a scruffy bearded, BIG, beautiful eyed, Reuben Studdard voiced, thug, who always addressed you by name and always wore a smile...His name was Joe and he was in my 2nd period class. He had become more disciplined in his Senior year. He had been attending class regularly. I helped him Thursday search and apply for some landscaping jobs online. He loved to rap and had just given a report on a book entitled The Coldest Winter Ever by Sister Souljah. The irony is that according to amazon.com the story is a CAUTIONARY TALE protesting the use of drugs and violence by African-Americans in the inner city. I can't really dwell on Joe any more tonight and a life snuffed out too soon, but here's some excerpts from JLS that seem appropriate... (Keep reading until the end for the real eye-opener!)

So this is heaven, he thought, and he had to smile at himself. It was hardly respectful to analyze heaven in the very moment that one flies up to enter it. The memory of his life on Earth was falling away. Earth had been a place where he had learned much, of course, but the details were blurred - something about fighting for food, and being Outcast. "Why is it," Jonathan puzzled, "that the hardest thing in the world is to convince a bird that he is free, and that he can prove it forhimself if he'd just spend a little time practicing? Why should that be sohard?" "To begin with " he said heavily, "you've got to understand that a seagull is an unlimited idea of freedom, an image of the Great Gull, and your whole body, from wingtip to wingtip, is nothing more than your thought itself."

Today was progress report day. Yesterday, I went through my folder of unread essays, and guess whose essay was on top. Yep.. Joe's! Here it is. The 3rd paragraph is prophetic, in a very sad way!

Name Something that Made a Change in Your Life Something that changed my life was when I witnessed my first homicide with my own two eyes. It numbed me up in a lot of ways. It enabled me to feel all kinds of feelings that I never had like constant paranoia, the lack of sleeping, and of being alone. I started sleeping during the day because I was scared to sleep at night as a result of being traumatized from what I had seen. When I say it numbed me out, it shut a lot of emotions down or into shock. It felt like my nervous system was literally witnessing technical difficulties. I felt like I was just taking up space like I was just there, with no expression on my face, just blank nothing, just pure displacement. It detached me from living a normal life. The constant paranoia did not stop. It was a constant symptom of seeing a heinous crime. It reoccurred hundreds of thousands of times. I seen it so much that I could see myself as becoming the next victim to be killed, gunned down in the streets like an outcast or some estranged bum. Over time, I guess wounds heal but I’m still mentally, physically, and emotionally scarred from the incident. It took away any innocence that I had. It was gone. I was now a victim of things I could not change, the changes being good or bad. I just keep moving on. I don’t beat myself up about it.

50 isn't old if you're a tree!

No that's not Mae West in the picture...It's me showing my stomach (which is refreshing, considering I'm usually showing my A*&!...This past Saturday was St. Augustine day with my former Albanian student (who is in her last year of RN school), Anila...What fun thing about 21 year olds is that they'll go anywhere and do anything...So we happened upon a vintage clothing store run by a woman who probably owned all the 50's pieces! Well, this one caught my eye and the label is Gunne Sax...Isn't that cute? This is a size 9 in old-timey sizes...and I can't show you the back because I COULDN'T ZIP IT ALL THE WAY! Still, what a great dress!!! I am on a search to find the perfect dress for Mr. Man's annual Christmas party...This will be my 3rd time going, and the first as his SO since his promotion as the manager...(Here's your homework! look up the BILTMORE HOTEL in miami...that's where it is every year and it's a truly gay affair!!!) I'm fast approaching the 1/2 century mile-marker. One of my buds (my +1 for all things cultural or food related around Jax) took me out to eat last night and we commenced to doing some thinking about 12-2 and where to have everyone meet up! That is a Thursday, but since I want to wake up with Mr. Man that weekend, probably I should have something for everybody else and I really have to celebrate on the day of the big event!!! So, it's time to start being daring and throwing caution to the wind and embodying the red/purple-AARP carrying-spitting on sidewalk mentality of a Mae West type...I mean she said things like "A man's kiss is his signature" and "An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises" and "I speak two languages - Body and English..." I mean, why can't I channel her inner attitude for my year of celebration??? It will actually begin at Disney World on November 18th at an English teacher's conference...I'm staying at a ridiculously expensive hotel on property, but that's ok..right? So ladies, I'll do my best to keep the blog up (along with my boobs LOL) for my entire year of celebrations.....because I want the both of you along for every adventure...Who knows, maybe the road will take me to yankeetown..... PS....It's also time to cut the apron strings - well actually the apron strings are cutting me! Charlotte, my daughter (the traitor) is moving to Seattle around October 5th for an undisclosed amount of time...My brother lives there! They have never met, but they have become facebook friends (another commercial) so I'm very excited for that reunion as well!!! The great news is that on October 3rd, there's a Jacksonville Jaguars/COLTS game and I bought a bunch of tickets from my college job...For $40, you get the ticket, a shirt, a tail gate, and free parking and a shuttle from the college which is less than 2 miles away...So Tim brings 2 friends, Char brings 2 friends, and I suppose I get to bring 1....sounds like a great TTFN (Tigger, Ta Ta For Now) party!!!!

where there's smoke there's fire - literally

So, officially, WORST DAY EVER! I am really loving Facebook (and Adrienne, just consider the possibility of signing in!!!) It is like a daily (or bi-daily or poly-daily) journal-fest! Today there were two big-time markers that just captured the day, as it were. Before I share with you the big events, here's one of my FB (Facebook) comments for the first one! "Take a chill pill Sis. Relax and listen to the surf. Nothing is more important than your health." This is from my brother in the state of Washington. We grew up with different mothers in different regions of the USA and have only met ONCE in Spokane over 16 years ago. However, we have maintained sporadic contact and when our father died, he went to the Harlingen, Texas funeral and I went to the San Antonio one...So we didn't even get to hang out then! However, FB has really fueled some great communication like this one! We are fortunate at our school to have a full time clinic. This is the exception and not the rule in Duval County! Physically, I've been feeling - well, just pull something out of the air, and it's probably appropriate - so I went and had my blood pressure read....150/94! This is quite high and I can blame it on a State Visit happening in our school on September 14th and 15th. I have quite a lot to do, the equivalent of taking a can of Pledge (a big-ass can!) and polishing up the place, or at least the DATA and making sure ALL our level 1's through 3's have tested in our baseline data...NO EASY TASK, but thankfully, I had to pull my Wonder Woman underoos out of the closet and I've been wearing them...and there are phone booths nearby for the quick changes! LOL But I digress...So, you probably noticed my lovely photo for this post. I know what you're thinking...Wow! Grubbs has never looked better! HA! What does FB have to say? Lots of "Glad you and the furry friends are safe!" and then my brother's all cap rebuke, "NEVER PUT WATER ON A GREASE FIRE!" Yup! I did it! I was really craving french fries, so I turned on the burner and left the room for a very, very brief moment....Next thing you know, FIRE!!!!! Here in the South, it's 2am and I can't sleep. I spent a few hours pacing in total disbelief, spent an hour at a friend's house with some take out and FOUR wheat beers, I need to spend more time in the shower because my complexion and hands are resembling Mr. Man's more than mine, and I am STILL thinking about which kids to test at which periods tomorrow!!!!!!! The good news is today I have a heart doctor appointment! He's probably going to think I went back to smoking... ha ha..So, in an earlier post, you met Josh, my tattooed surrogate son who was in the great picture of my daughter's birthday in June (when I was absolutely rocking the cranberry color!). He wrote, "If I learned anything from my 2nd mom, it's to laugh at life." I think I'm going to frame this and make it my life verse...Matthew 21:16 reminds us that "Out of the mouths of babes....." and even though Josh is pushing 27, he remains one of MY babes with a lesson for me to learn....One of my besties at work (who I was warned NOT to befriend by the poisonous snakes at my school because I wouldn't like her) reminded me, "Work within your means and let the worrying out the door." This is VERY easy, because 1/2 of the doors are WIDE OPEN right now....So ladies, remember your buddy down here, your GRITS (Girl Raised In The South) who is taking some hits but just like the Rockem-Sockem robots, (and our cats) eventually, I always land on my feet!

Flower Power

Good Morning Ladies!

Today is Heavy Heart Day! What in the world does that mean? Well...Tomorrow marks WEEK TWO in Duval County, although I never really stopped working for the district all summer which is a FIRST for me! Heavy Heart Day is a dash of hyperbole (it probably weighs the same, LOL), a dash of a melancholic tone, and a big dash of realism because my 2 daily enalaprils (for blood pressure) and my 1 daily actenol (heart palps) don't seem to be cutting it anymore. My emotional state is affecting my physical state. The dash of hyperbole IS my reality, and my heart seems to be dragging down to the soles of my feet! Wow! Aren't you glad you signed on to my post today! So, check out my picture. and that's me to the right looking all transparent, while still remarkably cute! Here I am in Coconut Grove in South Florida, a wonderful little eccletic shopping/eating/drinking district....and they have Peacock Park where all the residents decorate peacocks! How cute is that! The poster says WE DON'T SEE THINGS AS THEY ARE, WE SEE THEM AS WE ARE. So, when trying to analyze this little "kid art" picture, I'm thinking the BIG flower represents the BIG PICTURE, and the LITTLE insignificant droopy flower (LF - little flower) is me wondering where do I fit in to the grand scheme of things....I suspect that LF just hasn't been able to establish her place in the garden of education, so to speak, and LF is suffering! Excuse my French, but Week One has been a bitch! My new role as Reading Coach (which I started late January of last year) is way different this year. For one thing, I started with the new school year, so I won't have to hear the "you're new. we have a plan, so just do what we tell you." For the five months of last year, I was a glorified admin type and a bobble head...I was looking forward to this year to pioneer some new things with the reading department and to use my expertise, because in theory, that's why they brought me on board! I don't think that's gonna be the case. I mentioned the poisonous snake in my last post and she's back! English background? NO! Reading endorsement? NO! Previous high school teaching experience? NO! More than five years experience in education? NO! Principal Pet? Absolutely! So, we have already had a battle of wills over a Reading Testing Schedule and it looks like she won! What's upsetting is it shouldn't be a win/lose situation since in theory we are all on the same team...However, apparently she got in a tiff with one of my reading teachers OFF CAMPUS and has brought in ON CAMPUS telling me that she doesn't care about my reading teachers AT ALL...isn't that a grown up attitude? (The good news is that I'm teaching a college class again this semester, ENC 1102, and I've already decided to worm my way into a full time gig in that capacity. That's my BIG FLOWER!)...So, back to school tomorrow for a week of testing and defending myself....It seems that education has less and less to do with making sense and being student centered and more and more to do with endless testing, data tattoos, and disgruntled people in charge! I'm going to church now then hopefully I'll feel better and get some great encouragement....Regardless, on Friday, THIS Friday, Mr. Man and I will be together for 5 days in Gainesville and St. Augustine....

But Lot, hubby, HONEY, just one quick look?

So, in Genesis 19:26, a married couple, Lot and Mrs. Lot are fleeing from a burning town! It's being destroyed! There's nothing left! The town basically sucked with lots of "bad" people and L & L got one of the few "exit slips" (Come on! it's the summer but I got to keep up with the Teacher Lingo!) Think of it as THE Golden Ticket of its time, only they weren't leaving on a see-through elevator, but their feet! Well, back in verse 17, the divine Ms. L got the mandate, "DON'T LOOK BACK!" Well, she did? Oops! It was a fatal mistake and she immediately (and literally) became the salt of the earth! ...So, hello, LEFT FIELD...looks like Cindy brought you in as a special guest for this blog! Well, Not really! The divine Ms. L gets a bad rap in the Bible, in the New Testament where there's LOTS (ha ha) of "Remember what happened to HER!!!!!" So she was guilty of bad behavior, specifically, one non-negotiable bad behavior with a really stiff penalty!!! She was looking over her shoulder at her former (we can assume COMFORTABLE) life that was disintegrating, that was becoming dust in the wind, that was literally a mere shadow of her former town, that was....well, was! Can you blame her? What was ahead of her? Well, the Mr. and I guess that should have been enough. It probably was, but then again, it's not like they had a LOT (in my best Jim Carey voice...somebody, stop me!) of time to pack, and maybe she was thinking about the camel hump soup that she had just placed over the far (that's southern for FIRE)??? IDK! I've been LOTtie since January, living in Trojan land by day as a mild-mannered (well, or no-mannered) reading coach while spending my Thursday afternoons in the lab at the Wolfpack. I know that I have been looking back! Well, this week, my new principal called for some help with some workshops. That's a forward! Then, I spent two days at training in new reading programs, etc. and it was housed at Wolfson! (I swear that Barbra Steisand was singing "Memories" over the intercom!) Today, I went to a luncheon for a super-cool secretary that gets to go work at a brand new school!!! YAY for her! She was lamenting about how sad she was to leave, that it was bittersweet, and I just nodded. The Wolfpack just got a brand new principal and by all accounts, he is THE BOMB!!! But I don't think you can return...I mean the poets and songwriters promise us that "You can always go home again," but Work is not Home! Then, I surrendered my Wolfson key!!!! So, it's full steam ahead! Today I also met with another reading coach from the school that is right behind my house and together we planned some programs for our schools. (She's at a "turnaround" as well, and it's a good thing to forge new alliances across school borders!) That's a great step forward! Then one of my Wolfson friends (who graduated from Trojanland back-in-the-day) called to tell me she's transferring and she'll be working with me again!!! That's another step forward, cuz it's always easier when you have a hand, you know? I even had my Wolfpack shirts dry cleaned and I gave them to my favorite Dean and even to the guy who replaced me....(but don't tell, because I still kept one!!!) When the Smithsonian begins constructing the Cindy Museum, they'll just have to include Duval County School artifacts. Because my Time Machine is in the shop, I'm still not quite sure what memorabilia they'll have to choose from...but I know it will be a LOT!